MY STORYGrowing up in a small mormon town in Northern Utah I was the free spirited, outspoken, big hearted, little girl who was bullied for not being religious; I think this allowed for me to become a lover of the unlovable, and a magnet for all the misfits.
A natural born leader, a sacred rebel and a deep old soul — I paved my own path, and often times; I did it the hard way.
I explored catholicism with my grandmother, going to catholic mass, girls camp, young women’s and Sunday sacrament with my mormon friends in the neighborhood. I could see the impact religion and purity culture had begun to play on boys and girls from such a young age…
Programming a lot of shame, judgment, fear, guilt and control – Further created labels, the boxing in, the self righteous, the projections of other humans.
I often was the scape goat for other kids unconscious parenting tactics. I was grateful my parents didn't push religion on my sister and I – My free spirited magical little girl self continued to seek connection and play.
My journey of spirituality and sexuality began at a young age.
After experiencing sexual trauma with a boy I had a crush on as a young teenager - it was then that I unconsciously created the belief that in order for men to choose me, love me or connect with me I needed to have sex with them - boundaries… what are those? It was here at 13 I lost my voice with boundaries and men….
A deep feeler, an intuitive, and a healer … I spent most of my teenage years into college, loving emotionally unavailable men, seeing their broken parts & becoming that safe space harboring their pain: unknowingly, I was deeply traumatizing myself at the same time….
falling in love with their potential… cause ya know thats what us wounded healers do a lot of our life.
I am a women who loves love, I love to deeply feel, to connect, and to be seen & felt in partnership. I wanted this man so badly, that again my boundary-less sexual, free spirited self went on a deep journey of all the ways I would find myself in completely losing myself first.
I began to navigate the underworld of the sex industry. All in the name of love. A deeper dance with my own sexuality, my own shame, my shadows and unconscious programmed beliefs.
Holding deeply the insecurities of men, their little boy parts, the ways they used money, sex, and power to feel seen and heard. Unconsciously too, they also were longing for deep love, intimacy, and a place of safety.
The stroking of men's egos, the surge of power and control - this beautiful dance of me exploring all of my parts… the trying on of many masks, the layering of armor, the false sense of security & the dance of duality in a world that was so taboo.
This became a playground for my greatest self exploration: The place I became the most courageous, independent, strong minded, and even more open minded
Leaning into so many of my edges, a hidden world of wisdom, a library of a million life lessons in my own internal book, at times a magical whimsical fairytale while also a burial ground for some of my deepest heartbreak and pain…
My transition from sexuality into spirituality began in my mid 20s with the passing of my father -
I remember watching my father take his last breath, feeling his spirit exit his body. Hours later he had returned as I felt him sitting on my feet at the bottom of the bed. The sense of peace and comfort that poured over me, it felt like home. This longing desire to deeper connect to him again began that night of his felt spiritual presence.
I soon found myself seeking out mediums, psychics, energy workers, healers, breath work and talk therapy. It became a place I began to feel the most connected to myself, and alive again. Everything I experienced through healing my trauma, connecting back into my body, and slowly mending my broken heart was guiding me
All the pain from my past began to lead me down my own path. The path to discovering my purpose.
I had found a new passion, I became obsessed with this new realm. I took up studying under a spiritual teacher to help me unlock my gifts, journeying to Costa Rica to sit with plant medicine; meditating, breath work and connecting to spirit was exciting and addictive for me.
I began finding that everything I had used to awaken and heal myself now was becoming something I too wanted to hold space for others to journey back to themselves through. Creating a sanctuary of safety, a space for them to get naked with their soul, to take off their masks and their armor and find their authentic truth.
So everyone can live a life of deep love.
Little did I know the true path to LOVE was through the art of intimacy, something my soul had been longing for all my life. Yet I never knew how to fully experience this ancient cosmic magic. I had opened up my spiritual gifts, spent a lot of time talking through my past and began feeling more connected into my body through breath work and energy work.
The final piece of my heart healing was the deeper descent into my body to reconnect the to the truth of my womb and heart chakra – it was throughTantra.
This magical, mystical man had entered into my life – I was taken on an intimate journey through my body. We set a sacred space, curated through safety and communication. Intentions and boundaries were spoken and set. And I soon found myself crying, I had never felt this seen and safe before. The ways I still held deep shame and fear around expressing and embodying my own authentic self. The reaching and longing for him to make feel whole and loved. My codependency, enmeshment, and trauma with men was staring me right in the face.
As I sat there in yab-yub eye gazing- two magnificent multidimensional beings. The unconscious awarenesses becoming more conscious as he asked me deeper questions, sitting with me in my own silence and holding me so tenderly as I wept. The deep connection felt as we stared into one another's souls, the intense amount of unconditional love was palpable. My abandoned inner child parts were being seen, felt, heard and held for the first time by this man. I had been longing for a man to show up for me, to choose me, love me and STAY with me.
He was truly just mirroring to me all the ways I was looking to be seen, loved, choosen and kept outside of myself, the ways I was holding everyone else with so much compassion- love- tenderness & safety. And yet I had never known how to hold myself in my own.
It was then and there that I entered into the next two years of my own Tantric journey – The journey into the underworld with myself.
Through breath, sound and movement…The weaving of my own inner masculine and feminine, dancing with the shadows of my shame, fear, guilt, control and insecurity.
Understanding I am the bright Light in my Darkness.
Embodying true intimacy through my own felt safety and heart healing .
Finding myself here …
Stark Naked: She is a grounded presence – a felt sense of safety.
Unarmored… grateful for all of her masks
Staring into the eyes of another sacred soul
Who is ready to be met and guided into their own sacred naked descent
The Sacred Prostitute - who is now the Priestess
The Sex Worker – embodied as the Sacred Sexual Healer
Unarmored. Unguarded. Unafraid.
Penetrating the world as my Authentic Sacred Self. For I have found — my life’s purpose is through the portal of my own pain. Living outside the box, questioning the norm, saying the things out loud that only others would speak in thought; I’ve always deeply seen and loved humans; often wondered why they couldn't love themselves enough to also live a life unhinged, freely speaking, exploring, armor down and masks off….
with LOVE,
